


A Song of Idiots and Friends

by Wendyeve24



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Domestic Bliss, Drama, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, First Time, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Marriage, Modern Era, Pregnancy, Smut, Verbal Abuse, Wealth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25917955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wendyeve24/pseuds/Wendyeve24
Summary: A modern au of friendship, romance, marriage, relationship issues, wealth, drama with a dash of humor.
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters, Cersei Lannister & Jaime Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Loras Tyrell, Gilly/Samwell Tarly, Grey Worm/Missandei, Joffrey Baratheon/Margaery Tyrell, Jon Snow/Ygritte, Khal Drogo/Daenerys Targaryen, Melisandre of Asshai/Stannis Baratheon, Myrcella Baratheon/Trystane Martell, Ramsay Bolton/Theon Greyjoy, Robb Stark/Margaery Tyrell, Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark, Tommen Baratheon & Margaery Tyrell, Tormund Giantsbane & Brienne of Tarth, Tormund Giantsbane/Brienne of Tarth, Tyrion Lannister/Shae
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. First Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first foray into writing Game of Thrones fanfiction. I'm extremely new to the fandom so please be gentle and I sincerely hope you all enjoy my first ever GoT fanfic, A Song of Idiots and Friends.

"Are you nervous about meeting my friends?" Daenerys asked in Dothraki as she gazed at her fiancé.

The couple were still in the black Mercedes-Benz that was in the parking lot. They were parked in front of the fancy restaurant her and her friends frequented before she met Drogo. 

"Me? Nervous? Never..." Drogo said with a snort. 

But that was a complete lie, he felt like he was about to piss himself. 

"Alright. But just remember, if you need me to translate for you I-"

"I know, you can translate for me if need be." Drogo said in English before sighing and taking the keys out of the ignition.

Clad in a suit, he opened the car door for his Khaleesi who was in an expensive black Dior dress with black heels to match.

After locking the car, they made their way into the restaurant. 

Kings Landing was the finest and most expensive restaurant in Westeros and had an insane wait list. The filthy rich were usually the first to be admitted while the people who were middle to lower class usually had no chance in Hell of getting into the restaurant.

"Oh Miss Targaryen! It's wonderful to see you after all this time!" A man greeted as he went up and hugged her.

"Jorah! It's great to see you again too!"

"Of course, and who have you brought with you?" Jorah asked.

"Jorah, this is my fiancé Khal Drogo. He's from Essos."

Both men shook hands.

"It's very nice to meet you, Khal! Oh, Dany everyone else is already at the designated table... the huge booth in the back by the way." Jorah said as he led them to the booth with a couple of menus in his hands.

"Splendid! Let's go meet everyone, my sun and stars." Daenerys said with a smile.

They soon reached the table and were greeted by all of her friends.

Missandei engulfed Daenerys in a giant hug when she saw her before they sat down.

Drogo observed everyone after he sat down.

"Let me introduce you all to him. Everyone, this is my fiancé Khal Drogo. Drogo this is my friend Missandei and her boyfriend Grey Worm."

Grey Worm? What an odd name. Drogo nodded and shook their hands as Daenerys continued with introductions.

"Next to them is Tormund, Jon Snow, Jon's fiancé Ygritte, Brienne, Jaime Lannister, his brother Tyrion Lannister with his girlfriend Shae, Jon's half sister Sansa Stark and her sister Arya, Arya's boyfriend Gendry Waters, next to him is Jon's friend Sam and his wife Gilly, Sansa's friend Sandor, Joffrey Baratheon and his wife Margaery, and sitting next to her are Ramsay Bolton and his friend Theon Greyjoy." Daenerys said as she pointed at everyone as she introduced them to Drogo.

"It's nice to finally meet you Drogo." Jon greeted with a smile.

Missandei, Grey Worm, Sam, Gilly, Sansa, Arya, Gendry and Jon were the only ones to make an effort to greet Drogo and make him feel welcome.

Ygritte was way too involved with whatever was on her iPhone, Tormund was too busy staring at Brienne, Jaime was also staring at Brienne as the oblivious woman gazed at her menu, Shae was nagging Tyrion to no end which caused the man to pour a hefty glass of red wine for himself so he could deal with her nagging, Sandor was speaking to their red head waitress who had a giant choker around her neck about their chicken dishes, Margaery and Joffrey were whispering something to each other and Ramsay couldn't stop smiling at Theon.

Jon decided to talk to Drogo a bit more before he heard a small grunt next to him. The Northern man raised a brow at his ginger fiancé.

"What's wrong?"

"These new fookin' arrowheads I came out with aren't selling fast enough! I don't understand it! Mance told me they were selling like mad! He fookin' lied to me! I'm gonna kick his arse!" Ygritte said as she started dialing his number on her phone in a fit of rage.

"Ygritte owns her own hunting gear business." Daenerys whispered in Drogo's ear.

"Honey, there's no need to make a scene... you can call him after dinner. Right?"

"No I can't! This has to be done now! All the rest of my items are selling!"

"But maybe there isn't a high demand for arrowheads right now..." Jon said gently.

"Oh fookin' bull! You know nothing about running a business Jon Snow!" Ygritte said as she got up from the table and stomped out of the restaurant clutching her phone.

Jon sighed and immediately went after her.

"What's their deal?" Drogo asked Daenerys as he gestured to Tyrion and Shae.

"Shae is a fashion model and she has a habit of using Tyrion to get what she wants. He owns a vineyard a few miles away from here, so he's really rich. Tyrion isn't a fool though... he uses Shae too. She uses him for money and materialistic things, and he uses her for sex and bragging rights." Daenerys explained.

"I already told you Shae, just because everyone else will be showing up to Westerosi Fashion Week in limousines doesn't mean I'm willing to give you the keys just so you can show up to the red carpet in my private jet. It's highly unreasonable."

"I just don't see the big deal, Tyrion. You took me to that one fashion show in that horse drawn carriage. How will this be any different?" Shae said as she gazed at her boyfriend with an annoyed look.

"It's a huge difference! Plus that wasn't even a fashion show for Christ's sake! Dammit Shae, that was a film festival! It had a fairy tale theme, that's why I took you to it in the horse drawn carriage, geez!" Tyrion needed more wine to deal with this.

Shae rolled her eyes at Tyrion after hearing him speak.

Daenerys made sure she explained each of her friend's behaviors and backstories to her perplexed fiancé.

Tormund lusted after Brienne for years. He had an insane crush on her, but Brienne was completely unaware of this because she was so blinded by her slight crush for Jaime. Jaime also had a crush on Brienne but he had moved on from that. His sister Cersei who owned the King's Landing restaurant and it's other franchisees didn't like Brienne very much. Though it was worth noting that Cersei had a questionable relationship with Jaime.

Missandei and Grey Worm were from Essos like Drogo was and Daenerys had hired them to work for her luxury fashion line and her successful designer pet shop named Dracarys. Daenerys and Missandei had been friends for a long time. With a bit of coaxing, Daenerys had actually introduced Missandei to Grey Worm a year after she hired the both of them. The two started dating afterwards.

Jon Snow, who was still outside trying to get his fiancé Ygritte to come back inside the restaurant, also went way back with Daenerys. She had met him while he was on vacation at the Dragonstone resort that she was at for a week for a business conference. They hit it off and became friends. Daenerys remembered that when he got back to his mansion in the North, he called her up and told her that he had met a woman with sun kissed hair and a fiery personality to match.

"How did you meet her?"

"On the plane trip back up North. She sat next to me and we talked for a bit and exchanged numbers. I really like her."

"Do tell! What's her name? What does she do?"

"She's a businesswoman. She has a hunting gear business and her items are almost always sold out. Her name... is Ygritte."

And that was that. It took him some time to court Ygritte but she finally came around. 

"What kind of work does Jon do?" Drogo asked.

"He's the boss of a security company called Night's Watch. They're the best in Westeros." 

Tormund worked for Jon and was one of his best workers and Brienne worked for Jon as well but in a more hands-on part of the company.

Tormund had been friends with Jon for years. The two of them had practically grown up together with Sam Tarly. Sam also worked for Night's Watch, but as a bookkeeper. Tormund had met Brienne at work and fell in love with her, and Sam had met Gilly on the job one day. Gilly was one of the few people seated at the table who wasn't rich or that well to do financially. Gilly was a delivery woman and had met Sam on a few runs to his office in the Night's Watch building. They were slow to hit it off because both were shy, but eventually they got together and got married. The rumor about them was that Sam and Gilly were trying to have a baby.

Sansa Stark and Arya Stark were Jon's half sisters. Sansa was a socialite in the North and the rumor about her was that she was a very manipulative woman and easily got what she wanted, though supposedly she wasn't as bad compared to Cersei Lannister and Margaery Tyrell. Sansa had gotten rich from investing in the Westeros stock market. She was highly intelligent and knew how to play the stock market game. At this point, she might have been the most wealthiest woman seated at the table.

Her sister Arya however didn't care about social climbing or stock markets. Arya was a trained fighter and specialized in making masks for fighting, costume use or anything else a customer requested. She got big business every year and was a prized fighter. She had met Gendry on a supply run, he was one of the best blacksmiths and inventors in Westeros and the two had hit it off almost immediately. 

Sandor Clegane had known the Stark family for a long time and was a famous personal trainer and a bodyguard to the Stark children, though rumor was that he fell in love with Sansa... but no one was really sure and no one was brave enough to ask.

Jaime Lannister worked for his sister and dealt with the business aspects of their restaurant franchise, which meant more often than not he would be in his office signing papers and reading contracts. His sister would visit him in his office and she would request that they be left alone for a while. No one knew what went on between the two, and some people really didn't want to know.

Joffrey Baratheon was the son of Cersei Lannister and since his mother was rich, he was one of the only people seated at the table that didn't actually work or have a job because his mother handed him a huge sum of money almost everyday. He was the rightful heir to his mother's fortune and would receive it after she retired or died but that wasn't happening anytime soon. His wife Margaery Tyrell who kept her last name instead of taking Joffrey's last name after they got married, was an award winning actress. His mother hated Margaery for some reason but she would do anything for her son to be happy so she allowed them to get married. Margaery and Joffrey met on the red carpet at a show they both attended and started a very one sided relationship. Margaery swore that Joffrey was just shy, that he just didn't like showing his love for her in public... but her friend Sansa and everyone else didn't really believe her. 

Finally, Ramsay and Theon had been the most recent additions to Dany's group of friends. Theon had known the Stark family for a bit, he grew up around their neighborhood in the North and came over every night for dinner when he was a boy. His family were rich but he was labeled as the forgotten child and the family cast him aside, the Stark family also forgot Theon existed for a while too. After he got a job as a delivery man, he scrounged up enough money and went to University where he met Ramsay Bolton. Ramsay was an odd guy, he came from a family of wealthy taxidermists and surgeons. So he had an interest in both living and dead bodies of animals and humans. He worked as a mortician and made a lot of money. He also had a crush on Sansa but he creeped her out quite a bit so she never reciprocated any of those feelings for him.

When Ramsay and Theon joined the friend group, a good bit of them thought the two men were gay... that rumor still lingered around quite a bit because neither of them cleared the air.

"So what do you do, Drogo?" Gilly asked.

"I'm a professional horse trainer."

"Oh... that sounds... delightful." Joffrey said as he gazed at Drogo, obviously judging him.

"I think that's really cool! I absolutely love horses!" Margaery exclaimed causing Joffrey to give her a side eye.

"So, when are you two getting married?" Arya asked.

"We haven't picked a date yet, but the wedding is going to be in Essos. So be sure to wear light clothing." Daenerys said with a smile.

"I'm so sorry everyone. Ygritte is still on the phone outside. She'll be back soon. So, what did I miss?" Jon said as he sat back down. 

"Nothing really, we were just getting to know Drogo a bit better." Sansa said.

Jon nodded and smiled. He was about to speak before the waitress showed up to take their orders.

"I'm Melisandre, your waitress for the night. Has everyone decided what they would like to order?" The red headed waitress asked.

"You made sure they have the chicken dish?" Sandor asked her.

"Yes sir. They do. Is that all you'd like?"

"Yup."

"Alright. And what would you two like?" Melisandre asked Daenerys and Drogo.

Drogo gazed at the menu and asked Daenerys about a certain dish.

"You want that?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Uh we'll have the rack of lamb."

"Great choice! And for you, sir?"

"Goat meat." Tormund said as he kept staring at Brienne.

Melisandre wrote the orders down on her notepad. "And you ma'am?"

"The veal seems nice." Brienne said as she glared at Tormund.

"And you sir?"

"Mutton." Jaime said.

"And, oh there's an empty chair here. Is someone else coming or...?"

"Yeah my fiancé is coming back in a few minutes, I'll have the filet mignon." Jon ordered.

"With or without butter?"

"With butter please."

Ygritte came back and ordered the same. 

Everyone ordered their meals, Joffrey and Margaery almost had an argument about his order of pheasant. "You know you have stomach problems. I think the pheasant will be too taxing on your stomach, dear."

"I'm a grown man. If I want to eat pheasant then I'm eating pheasant. And just because you don't want me to have it, I'm going to get some for the both of us. You'll eat it and you'll like it." Joffrey spat.

"Whatever my husband wants..." Margaery said as she glared at him with a smile on her face when he looked away from her as he took a big sip of his wine. 

When she looked away, he started coughing. His wine went down the wrong way. Margaery sighed and patted him on his back. 

Once everyone was finished ordering their food, the guys decided to go to the restaurant's bar to get to know Drogo better without the women around... and to brag about their sexual trysts.

"And that's why I got kicked out of my apartment." Tormund said after telling his dirty tale.

"Quit lying Tormund, you didn't get kicked out for having loud sex. Your landlady kicked you out for playing Led Zeppelin too loud and insulting her after she gave you your eviction notice." Jon said. 

"Well, I could've gotten kicked out for having loud sex..." 

"Yeah... with yourself." Sam said. The other guys snickered.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I can have any whore any night... can't say that about you, now can I? Especially since you tied yourself down with the ol' ball and chain." Tormund teased. 

"Gilly is all I need to have a great night, thank you very much." Sam said as he drank his ale.

"Yeah, right. Like you two get up to anything in the bedroom." Sandor said as he looked at Sam with a smirk.

"Oh like you would know? Gilly and I have been really going at it these past few months." Sam said with a proud chuckle.

"Oh yeah? And I guess you both do it in bed at night and roll over to fall asleep immediately afterwards right?" Jaime asked.

"No... Gilly and I did it in the kitchen a few times... doggystyle." Sam admitted.

"What!? She let you do it to her in the kitchen!? That woman's kitchen is sacred to her she never let's anyone in there, especially when I come over your house to visit!" Jon said incredulously.

"I'm a lucky man. What can I say?" Sam said proudly.

"What about you Drogo? How's your sex life with our precious Dany?" Tormund asked.

"Good. She likes to be on top. Rides me like a stallion." He said with a smirk.

"Oh I believe it! She definitely seems like the dominate type." Joffrey said.

"She is, but she knows who's in charge some nights. We like to do it outside." Drogo said.

"Sounds like a lot of fun." Jon said before sipping his ale.

"What about you, Jon?" Drogo asked.

"Me? Oh... well, Ygritte and I... well we like to do it outdoors too... but she insists on doing it with me in a cave by my house." Jon said. 

"A cave woman? Why am I not surprised." Tyrion said.

"Says the guy who got a model for his girlfriend. Does she not let you get rough with her because she's afraid you'll mess up her makeup?" Jaime said as he teased his brother.

"For your information, Shae does let me get rough... and she doesn't mind getting sloppy when she gives me head." Tyrion retorted.

"You finish on her face don't you?" Sandor asked with a smirk.

"I'm a gentleman! I've never finished on her face... except the one time she told me it would make her face softer." Tyrion admitted.

The men laughed at what Tyrion had said.

"You're pretty quiet Gendry..." Jon said with a smirk. He only wanted to tease the guy, he didn't really want to hear what his sister and her boyfriend got up to in bed.

"Oh I'm staying quiet for a reason." Gendry said.

"And what reason is that?" Theon asked.

"Jon is the reason."

"Oh Jon can cover his fucking ears! I wanna hear what you and Arya get up to." Tormund said.

Jon rolled his eyes and covered his ears.

"Well, Arya is very dominant. We argue over who's topping some nights." Gendry said.

"That definitely sounds like Arya. What do you and Margaery get up to, Joffrey?" Sandor asked.

Jon uncovered his ears and listened to Joffrey. He was curious as to what the blonde and his slightly older wife did in the bedroom.

"She loves to please me. She surprises me with new lingerie almost every night. She even had a stripper pole installed in our bedroom. She loves to dance for me." Joffrey bragged.

"Sounds really freaky, Joffrey." Ramsay said.

"Missandei likes to dance for me as well." Grey Worm said.

"Well you both have fun with your dancing ladies... I'll have fun with my whores." Jaime said.

"Same here." Ramsay replied.

"You have whores?" Sandor asked Ramsay with a confused gaze.

"Yes. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"We always thought you were gay and that Theon was your lover. Not that there's anything wrong with that..." Tyrion said.

"What!?" Theon yelled. 

"Oh no, Theon and I are just pals... aren't we Theon?" Ramsay said as he put an arm around him.

"Y-Yeah. We're just pals. That's it." Theon said nervously.

"Too bad. It would've been interesting if you both fucked. Would've made for an interesting conversation." Sandor said as he smirked a bit.

"Well what about your sex life?" Theon asked as he gazed at the older and rugged man.

"I get women when I feel like it. Fuck her, then kick her to the curb... there's too many whores out there that annoy me. I don't wanna talk after sex, I just wanna fucking lay there. Is that too much to ask?" Sandor said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Maybe you haven't met the right woman to enjoy the afterglow with." Grey Worm said.

It was true, he hadn't... but the woman he felt deep down he would enjoy afterglow, sex and fall in love with didn't even know he felt that way about her.

"Maybe... but who the fuck cares?" Sandor said with a shrug before taking a swig of his ale.

While the guys shared sex stories, the girls were sitting at the table gossiping.

"Oh seven fookin hells! You've got to be joking! You knew that the Lannister cunt didn't like you but ya still married her son anyways? You've got more balls than I thought ya did!" Ygritte said to Margaery.

"Yes, Cersei be damned. I may be rich but marrying a rich guy won't hurt." Margaery replied.

"Here here! Sam doesn't make a whole lot of money but he's pretty comfortable. Which brings me to the rumors..."

"The rumors? What rumors?" Arya asked.

"About Sam and I... we... well... we've been trying for the past few months to have a baby." Gilly confirmed.

"Oh congratulations! That's wonderful!" Daenerys said. 

"Yeah, but hearing that only makes me curious... what are your men like in bed, ladies?" Ygritte asked.

Daenerys smirked. "Drogo is rough but knows when to be gentle."

"I have no man currently, so I can't say." Brienne said.

"Jon is very loving, but that man does wicked things with his mouth that you wouldn't believe." Ygritte said before taking a swig of her ale. 

"Really? Sam does to! Jon must've taught him that..." Gilly said. 

"Gendry is too gentle so I usually take charge." Arya added into the conversation.

"Grey Worm is gentle but passionate." Missandei said.

"You may think that Tyrion isn't a great lover but he is... believe me. He does things to me, I've never had done to me before." Shae said.

"Joffrey is passionate but I have to tell him to slow down some nights." Margaery said before taking a sip of wine. 

Sansa stayed quiet. She had a secret... a secret of her own that no one knew, she was actually still a virgin. 

"What about you Sansa?" Arya asked as she nudged her sister teasingly.

"Oh uh I..." She couldn't bring herself to tell them that she was a virgin, the Gods only knew if they would tease her for it... so she decided to tactfully dodge the question.

"I had a guy a few weeks ago. He was mediocre at best. One night stand, you know?" 

"Yeah, had far too many of those in my past." Shae said. The other girls nodded.

Sansa breathed a sigh of relief that the girls had bought her bogus story. Thank the Gods they didn't ask her if she had a crush or a boyfriend... that would be even more problematic because she actually had a huge crush on a certain rugged older man...

Then, the boys came back to the table and the meals soon arrived.

Tormund was chomping away at his food and stared at Brienne as he did. 

"Must you always do that?" Jaime asked as he looked at Tormund.

"Do what?" 

"Stare at her so much..."

"Yes, so I can gaze upon her beauty as I eat and drink."

"Can you not?" Brienne said as she gazed at him.

"What?" 

"Stare. It makes me think there's something either wrong with you or something on my face."

"The only thing on your face, is beauty." Tormund said. 

Brienne rolled her eyes and continued eating. 

Dinner was soon over and the dessert menus arrived. 

"But it's only chocolate cake..." 

"No! You're not having chocolate cake. I won't have a fat wife. I'll have the chocolate cake instead and you can watch me eat it." Joffrey said to Margaery. 

"Are you like this at home?" Theon asked.

"Even if I was, how is it any of your business." 

"Hey, don't be like that. Look, just order dessert and let's be calm." Ramsay said as he put an arm around Theon and gazed at Joffrey. 

"Alright, but if it's worth anything... I still think you both are gay... for each other." Joffrey retorted. 

"Joffrey!" Margaery scolded. 

"No no, it's alright Margaery. If that's what he believes, then that's what he believes." Ramsay said with a smile as he pulled Theon closer to him. Theon was obviously uncomfortable but he stayed quiet.

Melisandre returned to take their orders. 

"I'll have one small stacked vanilla cake." Shae said as she gazed at Tyrion with lust in her eyes.

"And I'll have some lady fingers." Tyrion said as he gazed back at Shae with lust in his eyes when he kissed her hand.

"And will that be for here or to go?" Melisandre asked.

"To go." They both said in unison as their gazes stayed on each other. 

"Fookin shit!" Ygritte said as she got up and started walking out of the restaurant.

Jon excused himself and went after her.

"Ygritte! What in the seven hells!? Where are you going?" He asked his fiancé.

"To kill Mance Rayder! He just fookin told me they can't locate the new shipment of bows for the arrows! He's fookin me over! Look, I have some things to go and take care of. I'm sorry Jon. Order me a slice of apple pie and pay for my meal. I'll see you at home, Jonny boy." Ygritte said before she walked over to him and kissed him before taking the car keys out of his back pocket and running out of the restaurant.

"Ygritte! Seven hells, woman! How am I supposed to get home!?" Jon yelled as he ran after her into the parking lot.

"Take an uber." She responded as she drove off in his Jaguar convertible.

Jon sighed heavily and gazed at the engagement ring on his finger. He ran his hands through his hair before going back inside the restaurant... alone.

"You're not having any dessert?" Sandor asked Sansa.

"No. I have to watch my figure. Well, I'll be leaving now. It was wonderful to see everyone." Sansa said with a grin. 

Sandor gazed at her... this was odd... the girl always liked her desserts. She could eat a whole table full of desserts and not gain weight... why was she suddenly so concerned about her figure?

Sansa hugged her sister and her brother before turning to face Sandor. 

"Sandor, can you walk me to my car?" 

"Of course." 

The two of them left the restaurant and went to the parking lot. "Thank you... uh Sandor?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to come over tonight? Have a cup of coffee at my place?" Sansa asked with a slight blush on her face.

"I could've stayed in the restaurant if I wanted coffee, girl." 

"Sandor I-"

"Quit bullshitting little bird. Just get to the point."

Sansa nodded and went up to Sandor, kissing him on the lips. 

Was this a dream? It had to be... but it felt so real.

She broke the kiss off and gazed up at him.

"I still don't get your point, little bird." Sandor said, half out of breath from the kiss.

Sansa smirked at him and whispered, "I want you Sandor. I need you to make love to me tonight." 

He gazed at her with wide eyes. If this was a dream, he'd go mad if someone woke him up.

"You know where my house is. I want you to pick up some condoms before you get to my house. Here's a spare key for the front door. Let yourself in. I'll be in my bedroom when you arrive. And I want you to pick up some lemon cakes for me as well... don't keep me waiting Sandor Clegane." Sansa said as she handed him a spare house key, got into her Ferrari and drove away.

Once she was out of sight, Sandor ran into the restaurant and saw Melisandre at another table taking another customer's orders. 

He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her aside. 

"Yes sir? What can I get you?" She asked with a surprised gaze.

"Get me some fucking lemon cakes to go, now!"

Sam and Gilly had said their goodbyes to their friends and left the restaurant. Shae and Tyrion left a few minutes afterwards, followed by Theon and Ramsay.

Theon and Ramsay were in Theon's BMW.

"That was a nice evening." Ramsay said with a grin.

"Oh fucking stop it. I can't believe that its almost so obvious to them! But at least we made some damn good excuses..."

"Oh yeah, like I get whores on a regular basis..." Ramsay said with a chuckle.

"That's just one of the things I love about you, you think on your feet." Theon complimented as he kept his eyes on the road. 

"And you let my intelligence shine by knowing when to say things and when not to. You're a quick learner, Theon." Ramsay said with a smile as he put a hand onto Theon's thigh.

"You impressed me tonight, so... you get a reward." Ramsay said.

"I can't wait for my reward." Theon replied with a smirk.

Their Cadillac stopped at a red light and Theon leaned over and kissed Ramsay. "Oh Theon, don't start something you can't finish. I'll take care of this when we get home." Ramsay replied as he grabbed Theon's bulge that was covered by his pants at the moment.

Theon moaned and took his foot off of the brake as the light turned green, he couldn't wait to get home.

Jaime had gotten a call from his sister and left the restaurant as soon as he got the call, Joffrey and Margaery had left after him, Brienne was about to leave before Tormund stopped her in the parking lot.

"Big woman... uh Brienne... wait!"

"What do you want Tormund?"

"Uh... I know that we're friends and all that... so I was wondering if I could ask you something..."

"If it's about a date... then no."

"No... I... got evicted from my apartment... I was wondering if I could maybe... crash on your couch... just for the night. I promise I'll find my own place in the morning. I just... can't take sleeping in my car for another night."

Brienne stared at Tormund.

Even though the man did creep her out sometimes by staring at her endlessly, she knew when he was being genuine and when he wasn't and right now he was being genuine.

"Okay, but just for tonight. Get in your car and follow my car."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" Tormund said as he hugged her before they got into their separate cars.

"Are you going to be okay, Jon? We're leaving now." Arya asked her brother as she looked at him.

"I'll be fine." He responded.

"Alright. Remember to call me if anything happens. Gendry and I can pick you up... and please, stop drinking... the last thing you want is to puke in an uber."

"Fine. Can you both leave now?"

"Take care, Jon." Gendry said. Both Arya and Gendry left the restaurant afterwards.

Daenerys grabbed Jon's glass of whiskey after Arya and Gendry left.

"What in seven hells are you doing?" Jon asked.

"You heard your sister. Stop drinking." Daenerys said.

Jon rolled his eyes before he felt his phone buzz. "The uber is here." He said as he got up.

"It was nice meeting you Drogo. It was great seeing you all again." Jon said shakily as he grabbed the to go boxes that had pie in it.

The Northern man was already quite tipsy.

He then left the restaurant.

"Well, it's time for us to go too. It was lovely meeting you Drogo. Sorry about our eccentric friends. We'll see you later Dany." Missandei said before leaving with Grey Worm.

Daenerys and Drogo left the restaurant and got into their car.

"So, how did you like my friends?" Daenerys asked.

"They were interesting and they seem to like me."

"They do? Well... I like you too."

"I know you do..." Drogo kissed Daenerys and drove the car out of the parking lot.

The night turned cold... which meant winter was coming...


	2. The Night Is Dark And Full Of Sex Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tormund makes an offer to Brienne, the couples have sexy nights, Sandor and Sansa confess, Jon still knows nothing and Daenerys talks about what-ifs with Drogo...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I had fun with this chapter! There's nothing but smut, a tiny bit of drama if you squint hard enough and some fluff in this chapter. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the other couples, they're going to be put in the second part of The Night is Dark and Full of Sex chapter that's coming soon. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to bookmark this fic, subscribe, leave kudos, and comment your favorite couple that was in this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy!

"Thanks for the milk, big woman." Tormund said to Brienne after she handed him a glass of milk as he lay on the pull out couch bed.

"You're welcome. I hope you'll be comfortable out here." 

"I will. I've slept in more uncomfortable places than you think I have. This is heaven compared to those other places. Thank you."

Brienne nodded and turned to go to her bedroom but Tormund stopped her.

"Brienne?"

"Yes?"

"I know that this is probably the last thing you want to be asked but... I needed to know. Do you think Jaime likes you?"

Brienne turned to face Tormund and raised a brow. 

"I'm sorry, what kind of a question is that? Jaime likes me and I like Jaime. We're friends, just like how you and I are friends."

Tormund chuckled and shook his head. 

"I don't want to be just your friend, I hope you know that big woman."

"I don't understand, Tormund..."

"Brienne... do you know what love at first sight means?"

"I know what it means Tormund, I'm not an idiot."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I know you have a crush on Jaime... but he obviously has eyes for someone else now. I've seen how he looked at you a few years ago versus how he looks at you now, and he no longer has that smitten gaze in his eyes. Brienne you're the smartest and most strongest woman I know, but just once I'd like for you to realize something... do you think he loves you? Because I don't think so. And I'm not saying this to hurt you, Gods forbid I'd never do that! If you were mine I'd love you and worship you every single second of every day and I'd make sure you'd know it. But you're not mine... but you could be... the offer to try it out... to try us out, still stands."

Brienne stood there, speechless. 

"Are you telling me... that my crush on Jaime is pointless? Are you using that to ask me out?" 

"No, because you can have your crush... but you can also be given the truth. And if you want to try me out... then let me know." 

Brienne stood there and gazed at Tormund with a questioning gaze, as if she might have actually been considering his offer. She took a deep breath before speaking, "I'll let you know."

"Take your time." Tormund said as he gazed at her before he sipped his milk.

"Goodnight." Brienne said before going upstairs to her room.

Tormund chuckled and put the glass of milk on the coffee table that sat next to the pull out couch bed before pulling the blankets up onto his body and laying down.

"Goodnight... Brienne." Tormund said quietly to no one as he smiled before he fell asleep, thinking about a possible future date with Brienne as he drifted off.

"Sam, didn't I ask you to wash the dishes before we went to see our friends tonight?" Gilly asked after they arrived home.

"Oh... yeah. Sorry, I forgot. I'll do them now."

"Thank you." Gilly said before kissing her husband on the cheek.

"I'm going to go upstairs and change."

"Alright." Sam replied as he got started on the dishes. 

It took him a while to clean all of them but he got it done, now all he had to do was dry the dishes.

Gilly came downstairs and stood in the kitchen doorway.

Sam was drying a glass cup and was about to put it into the cabinet before he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Sam?"

"Hm? Huh!?" Sam had turned around and he almost dropped the glass he was drying off. His eyes almost bulged out of his head.

Gilly was wearing lingerie, it was a see through grey faux fur one piece with a bit of lace woven into it.

"Keep drying the dishes, Sam. I'll help you out with... other things." Gilly said in a sultry tone of voice as she approached her speechless husband. 

She got on her knees and started to unbuckle his belt before she pulled his pants and underwear down. His cock sprang to life in front of her and she kissed the tip.

"Keep drying the dishes and I'll keep sucking you off, Sam." She said quietly before she took his length into her mouth.

"Oh my...!" Sam moaned as he felt his wife's warm mouth around his cock as he dried off a plate.

He was a lucky man... a lucky man indeed.

Sandor let himself into Sansa's gated mansion.

The house was huge and the livingroom was dark. He had to use his cellphone light to help him locate the light switch.

He had almost tripped on his way over to the switch, and after he turned the lights on he saw that it was Sansa's pet wolf Lady he almost tripped over. Lady was fast asleep, so Sandor knew he had to tread lightly.

Luckily he made it to the stairs in one piece. Sansa's lights had sensors that could tell when someone was in a room, and the lights turned off as soon as Sandor was safely upstairs.

At the top of the stairs he looked at the doors around him. Which one led to her room? 

"I'm in here Sandor!" Sansa called out.

Her room was the one with the blush pink door... of course.

He entered her room, closing the door behind him and gazed at her.

Sansa was laying on her rose colored king sized bed in a short black silk robe that hung loosely around her form. 

She sat up and smiled at him.

"Welcome. Did you get the condoms and the lemon cakes?"

"Yeah. Wow little bird... you look..." Sandor's words got caught in his throat. This didn't happen to him often but when it did, he would be rendered speechless for a bit and do nothing but stare, which was what he was doing now.

"Come here, sit down." Sansa said as she patted the silk blanket.

He sat down on the bed and she came up behind him. She started massaging his shoulders and kissing his neck.

"Sansa..."

"Do you like that Sandor?"

"Yeah I like it, but I wanted to ask you something..."

"Yes?" She whispered as she kissed his neck again and teasingly nibbled his ear.

"Why are you doing this to me? It's so sudden... I mean I'm not fucking complaining but... why? Why me?"

Sansa stopped her ministrations and got in front of him, straddling him.

"Because... I like you a lot."

"I understand that... but you could've had any man from here to Essos and you chose me to have sex with you tonight. Why? Were none of your fuck buddies available tonight to cease that ache between your legs?" Sandor asked.

Sansa winced after she heard him say that. She was silent for a moment so she could think about how to answer him.

"No... none of them were available... because I don't know them... I don't even have fuck buddies. Sandor, I'm going to tell you something... something I never want you to tell anyone else, because it's something that no one knows and I hope you being here tonight will change my secret."

"Out with it, girl."

"I'm actually a virgin..."

The Hound's eyes widened in shock. The way Sansa carried herself and with such sex appeal and confidence at that, no one would have guessed that she was actually a virgin.

"Woah... Seven hells girl... So, wait lemme get this straight... you're choosing me to take your virginity tonight... because...?"

"Because I like you a lot, I've liked you for a very long time and I'm ready for this. I don't want to be a virgin anymore Sandor, and I trust you enough for you to take it." Sansa explained.

Sandor took a deep breath before sighing heavily. 

"Fuck... I..." He shook his head as he gazed at her.

"Do you not want to?" Sansa asked.

"It's not like that little bird... I want to, I really do... Gods I want to... but you've been a virgin for this long, why get rid of it now?" 

"Because, all of our friends aren't virgins. I'm the only virgin and it may not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me. I want to lose it and I want to lose it to you tonight."

"It is a big deal to me. That's why I'm asking."

Sansa gazed at Sandor in confusion.

"Why is it a big deal to you?"

"I watched you grow up... I protected you... and I grew to love you as a father loves a daughter when you were a child... but now you're a woman and I may still be your bodyguard... your hound... but this old hound sees more to you than just being a little bratty fucking rich girl... I-" 

"Sandor... are you trying to tell me that you love me?"

Sandor gazed at her and nodded once silently.

"I love you too."

"Glad to hear it, little bird." 

Sandor was relieved that everything had been cleared up.

"Now, I wanna make this as easy as possible for you... so you need to follow my instructions little bird." Sandor said as he gazed into her eyes.

Sansa nodded.

"Lay down." 

She did as she was told and gazed at him as he put the bag of lemon cakes on the nightstand and got on top of her after he kicked his shoes off. 

Sansa made a mental note to eat the cakes in the morning for a quick snack before breakfast.

Sandor gazed at her intensely before leaning down and kissing her when he got on top of her.

She moaned into the kiss and he broke the kiss, making her whimper a bit.

"Take your robe off."

Sansa sat up and took her robe off, revealing her nude body to him.

She gazed up at him with a blush adorning her cheeks.

"Seven hells, girl... you're fucking beautiful." Sandor growled in approval as he started removing his own clothes and his underwear.

"Thank you." Sansa said with a smile forming on her face before she gazed at Sandor's cock.

Her eyes widened in horror. How in the world was he going to fit inside of her? He was enormous.

"Why're you staring, girl? Haven't you ever seen a cock before?"

"Not nearly as big as yours." Sansa replied as she leaned down to get a closer look at it. She gazed at it curiously and brought her hand to it, gently stroking it as she looked back up at him. 

"Fuck... you don't have to do anything for me." Sandor breathed out shakily as he felt her start sucking him off.

She removed his cock from her mouth before speaking.

"I want to do this for you." Sansa said before she resumed sucking him off.

A low groan emitted from his throat as she continued sucking his cock.

"Oh... little bird... lay back." He groaned out. Sansa stopped sucking him and laid back but not before she teasingly squeezed his balls.

Sandor wordlessly got between Sansa's legs and started licking her wetness.

"Oh Gods! Sandor!"

The girl was loud... if she was this loud, then it was going to be a long night for Sandor... but he really didn't mind. Sansa could be as loud as she wanted. All he wanted to do was make her first time absolutely amazing...

"Oh Sam! Here? In the kitchen? Again!?" Gilly cried out. This was at least the fourth or fifth round... at least that's what Gilly thought. She was starting to lose count.

Sam was already erect and ready to go again. He had Gilly bent over the kitchen sink.

"Yes, again... unless you don't want to..."

"Oh no, I want to..." Gilly turned to face him and kissed him on the lips.

Sam smiled at his wife after the kiss was broken. She was always willing and eager to have sex with him, and it made him happy to know that he could make her feel good.

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to put a baby in me." Gilly said as she turned her back to him and bent over the sink.

"Of course I will darling." Sam replied as he entered her from behind and groaned as he felt her familiar wet and warm walls around him for the fourth or fifth time that night. 

"Oh Sam! Yes!" Gilly cried out as her husband started to thrust in and out of her, that familiar rhythm and the friction were driving her wild.

Sam felt his heart swell with pride as he heard Gilly's moans and cries. He was proud to know that only he was capable of making her cry out in pleasure like this. 

His thrusts got faster and soon both him and Gilly came undone. 

"Right there! Oh Sam! Fill me up!" Gilly moaned before she trembled against him, her orgasm shooting pleasure throughout her body as her pussy clenched around him while her back arched.

"Oh Gods! Yes! I'm cumming!" Sam groaned out loudly as he squeezed his wife's breasts while he took his final thrusts.

He spilled his creamy seed deep into her womb, making her moan in satisfaction at the feeling of his cum filling her up for the billionth time that night.

The sound of their heavy breathing filled the kitchen and Sam pulled out of Gilly.

"Sam... that was amazing."

Sam chuckled as he gazed at her.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it Gilly, uh how about we take a shower?"

"Sounds great! Let's go!" Gilly said excitedly as she grabbed his hand, leading him upstairs to their bathroom... though neither of them would get very clean in their shower, especially since Sam had Gilly against the shower wall just a few minutes after they had gotten in.

"Gods! You're so tight!" Sandor growled after he entered Sansa.

"Oh Sandor!" She moaned out.

"Let me know when I can move, little bird."

Sansa nodded. Sandor was huge and she could feel how he was stretching her out.

She bucked her hips a bit and moaned at the feeling. The burning pain had since left and was replaced with some kind of friction that felt indescribably good.

"You can move now." She said as she kissed him. 

He started out slowly, allowing her to get used to the feeling. When she finally got used to it, he got into a rhythm with his thrusts.

"Faster Sandor! Oh! I want it harder! I need it! Please!"

He loved hearing his little bird beg. He complied with her request and started pounding her.

"Gods! S-Sandor! I think I'm gonna cum!" She cried out. 

"Come on little bird, cum for your hound."

She arched her back, which allowed him to take one of her nipples into his mouth.

Sansa threw her head back, her red hair turned into a red halo as her head went back onto the fluffy white pillow. Her nails dug into his back and she wrapped her legs around his waist as she saw white during her intense orgasm.

"Fuck!" Sandor cried out before growling a bit. He roughly bit her neck, leaving his mark on her as he shot his seed into the condom. 

Both were out of breath afterwards. He got off of her, put the soiled condom in the wastebasket and laid down next to her.

"Sandor?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Sandor was quiet for a moment before he turned to her.

"You're welcome. Now go to sleep, little bird. If you sleep I'll feed you your lemon cakes in the morning." Sandor offered with a smirk.

Sansa kissed him on the cheek and giggled before pulling the blanket up to their necks and drifting off to sleep next to him.

"Jon! I'm home!" Ygritte called out as she entered the house. Ghost, Jon's pet wolf came to greet her... but Jon didn't.

"Shit... where is he? Do you know where he is, boy?" Ygritte asked Ghost as she patted him on the head.

Ghost cocked his head to the side, his ears perked up and he went into the livingroom.

Ygritte followed him.

And there was Ghost's owner... passed out on the couch with the two restaurant to go boxes that had slices of apple pie in them, sitting on his lap.

Ygritte sighed and gently shook him in an attempt to wake him up.

"Jon?" 

He still didn't wake up.

Ygritte sighed again. This time she slapped him across the face.

"Seven hells! Fuck me! What the hell was that for!?" Jon yelled.

"You were asleep."

"You could've been more gentle about waking me up!"

"Gods what am I? A fucking pussy? No thanks. How was the uber ride over here?" 

"Awful... I threw up on my way over... while I was in the uber." Jon admitted as he massaged his temples.

"Why? Were you drinking again?"

"What do you think?" Jon asked as he glared a bit at Ygritte. He couldn't stand the fact that she just didn't understand that he drank to forget their relationship problems... but in Ygritte's mind there were no problems in their relationship.

Ygritte rolled her eyes.

"Well you're here now, that's what matters. So, I got everything handled with work. So that means I'm all yours tonight." Ygritte said as she picked up the to go boxes and went to go put them in the refrigerator before coming back into the livingroom and sitting on Jon's lap.

"Tonight? It's still nighttime? Shit what time is it?"

"Eleven o'clock. Do ya wanna waste some time with me?" Ygritte asked seductively as she ran her fingers along his jawline.

"I'm too tired to do anything sweetling, I'm sorry." Jon said as he gazed at her.

"Mm, typical..." Ygritte said with a slight attitude as she got off of his lap and started taking her clothes off. 

"What are you doing?" Jon asked with a perplexed gaze as he watched her strip bare and sit down nude next to him on the couch. 

"What does it look like?" She asked with a raised brow as she spread her legs with a smirk on her face.

He gazed at her in confusion while also admiring her slim but healthy and toned body. Her milky breasts, the small red tuft of hair between her legs and her already soaking wet cunt. 

She stuck one of her fingers into her mouth and started to suck on her fingertip. If he didn't get what she was doing, then she'd take matters into her own hands... literally.

"It looks like you're naked on my couch and sucking your finger." Jon said halfway teasing his nude fiancé and halfway being serious.

"You know nothing Jon Snow." Ygritte said before she took her finger out of her mouth and started rubbing her clit. She gazed at him as she rubbed herself and moaned wantonly so she could tease him. 

Ygritte took it a bit further and stuck two of her fingers inside of her wet cunt, a devilish squelching sound emitted from her pussy as she thrust her fingers in and out. She locked eyes with Jon and squeezed her left breast with her free hand, moaning louder than before as she groped herself.

Still staring at the shocked and aroused look on his face, Ygritte got up and straddled him. She then kissed him on the lips.

Ygritte suddenly backed away almost immediately much to Jon's sudden confusion. 

"What?" 

"After you got sick in the uber did you rinse your mouth out?" She asked him with widened eyes.

"I can't remember... I passed out as soon as I got here."

"You're fookin hopeless..." Ygritte said as she got up from his lap and pulled him up from the couch, leading him to the upstairs bathroom. 

"If you rinse your mouth well enough, I'll give you a reward." Ygritte said.

After he heard her say that, Jon made sure that his breath was minty fresh.

"All done, sweet boy?"

"All done."

"Good." Ygritte kissed Jon again before he picked her up and carried her into their bedroom.

He laid her down on their bed and his mouth went straight to her needy wet cunt.

"Ooh! Gods! Ah Jon! Yes!" Ygritte cried out as her hands got tangled in his black curls.

He ate her out as if he was eating his last meal on Earth. 

"Oh my fookin Gods! Your mouth is just incredible." Ygritte said as she tried to catch her breath.

"What about my cock?" Jon asked as he started taking his clothes off.

"Your cock is good but it is kind of small. Your mouth is better." Ygritte said.

Jon's jaw dropped. "Small!? What in seven hells do you mean by small!?"

"You're small compared to other men I've had before you. That's just what I meant..."

"Ygritte... this whole conversation is making me go limp. Are we gonna do this or not?" Jon said while rolling his eyes before pointing down at his semi-erect cock. 

"Oh shut up, Jon." Ygritte said, kissing him to shut him up and pushing him down to the bed so she was on top. She then lowered herself down onto his now fully erect cock and moaned as she started to ride him.

"Fuck... Ygritte..." Jon moaned out.

"Ah... Jon!" Ygritte moaned as she rode him well into the night.

Daenerys moaned loudly as she came undone when Drogo made his final hard thrusts. Her toes curled and she threw her head back during her orgasm as she heard him groan. The powerful Dothraki man had really pounded her into pure pleasure tonight. 

The sweaty silver haired woman laid against her fiancé's bare sweat stained chest afterwards and sighed contentedly.

"Moon of my life..."

"My sun and stars... I can't wait until we're married." Daenerys said in Dothraki.

"Neither can I. If it wasn't for your connections here and your fame I'd whisk you away and marry you in secret." Drogo replied as he looked down at her with a prideful smile.

"That sounds so romantic. I'd love that, but we can't elope... I have to have a big wedding."

"I know. It only makes me wonder though..." Drogo trailed off.

"What is it my love?"

"What if you weren't famous. What if no one knew who you were? We could live in peace... get married in peace... make love wherever and whenever we wanted with no interruptions... and make as many babies as we pleased."

Daenerys shivered at his words. She wanted that... all of it... truly. But it was too risky. She knew that whatever she did, the paparazzi would never leave her alone. It was her cross to bear. 

"If that were to happen... it would be absolutely lovely. But it's not our reality, my sun and stars. I wish it were though." Daenerys said sleepily, finishing her own thought aloud and switching from Dothraki to English.

"Yes... I wish that too." Drogo said in English as Daenerys fell asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the smutty goodness, part 2 of this chapter is coming soon. Please don't forget to leave kudos, bookmark this fic, subscribe and comment your favorite couple, favorite sex scene and your favorite moment of this chapter. Anyways, stay tuned for more chapters coming soon!


	3. The Night Is Dark And Full Of Sex Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramsay is very dominant in the bedroom, Arya and Gendry see who can cum first, Shae gets on Instagram after sex much to Tyrion's disapproval, Grey Worm and Missandei talk about Dany and Drogo's upcoming wedding, Margaery ogles at Robb Stark who's a guest on her grandmother's TV talk show, Joffrey insults Margaery and Cersei and Jaime have a serious conversation about their family secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a while to do but it's out and I hope you all enjoy it! Don't forget to bookmark this fic, subscribe, leave kudos and comment. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Ramsay practically pounced on Theon as soon as they got home. 

"Fuck! You little minx." Ramsay said as he spanked Theon before pulling his pants down. 

He kissed Theon's thighs and rubbed his bulge through his underwear. 

"Ramsay..." Theon gasped at the sudden friction of his lover's hand rubbing his still covered member. 

"Be a good boy. You can look but you can't touch." Ramsay said before he removed Theon's underwear and started sucking his cock.

"Ah fuck! Ramsay!" Theon moaned as he bucked his hips into Ramsay's mouth.

Theon loved it when Ramsay sucked him off, the man's mouth was absolutely amazing and could make him cum every time.

But tonight, Ramsay wanted to be a little tease. He removed his mouth from Theon's cock and undid his own pants.

"Ramsay..." Theon whimpered.

"Patience, love. You know I hate it when you complain but I love to hear you beg." Ramsay replied with a smirk as he threw his pants and underwear to the side before pushing Theon roughly to the bed.

He spread his legs and started licking his hole, causing Theon to moan wantonly. "Fuck! Oh Gods!"

Ramsay spanked Theon's bottom and had him turn over so he could get on his hands and knees. 

"Ramsay... the lube... where is it?" Theon asked breathlessly.

"We don't need lube... not after I just ate you out. Bite the pillow if it hurts because I'm not gonna stop." Ramsay said as he entered Theon with one thrust.

Theon screamed and tried to bite the pillow in front of him but the pain was too much for him to muster up the strength to bite the pillow. 

"Ah fuck! Gods... Ramsay! It hurts... fuck it hurts!" Theon yelled as Ramsay thrust in and out of his tight asshole.

Ramsay rolled his eyes and leaned forward a bit so he could stroke Theon's cock.

Theon whimpered at the slight pain and the increasing pleasure. 

"You're so tight you know that? Gods, if you were any tighter I'd be stuck inside you." Ramsay groaned.

Theon let out a mixture between a moan and a giggle at the mental image of Ramsay's cock being stuck inside of him.

"Being stuck inside of you would be fun though." Ramsay said with a smile as he kept thrusting.

Ramsay's grunts got louder... he was getting close to his orgasm.

Theon let out a loud moan as he suddenly came all over the sheets and Ramsay's hand.

"Fuck! Theon!" Ramsay came hard inside of him soon after his orgasm ended.

He pulled out and laid down beside him.

"Are you going to the apothecary tomorrow?" Theon asked.

"To pick up my vitamins, yeah. Why?"

"I'm going to need that arse cream tomorrow... I know for a fact that after tonight I won't be able to walk." Theon said with a smile.

Ramsay chuckled and kissed him before turning out the bedroom light.

"At least from this angle I can rub your clit." Gendry said.

"Mmm... I can rub my own clit from this angle thank you very much. I'm only riding you in the cowgirl position, Gendry. It's not like we're in an acrobatic position." Arya said teasingly with a slight attitude.

"Arya... just let me take care of you for once." Gendry replied as he rubbed his girlfriend's clit as she rode him. 

"Fine." She let the pleasure take over and she cried out. 

"Gods... how did I get so lucky?" Gendry muttered before he took one of her nipples in his mouth.

"You were in the right place at the right time." Arya replied cheekily before moaning.

"Let's see who can cum first." Gendry said with a smirk. 

"Oh you're gonna cum first." Arya said with a smirk as she rode him roughly.

"Fuck!" Gendry groaned out as he felt himself on the edge.

"Cum for me, Gendry." Arya cooed before she kissed him.

Their moans were muffled when they kissed and they were so caught up in the moment that for a few seconds neither of them could tell who came first. 

Both were out of breath and sweaty afterwards. 

Arya grinned at Gendry. "I win." 

"Oh fuck off." Gendry replied teasingly with a smile before he chuckled.

Arya kissed Gendry and moaned as she dismounted him. 

"Better luck next time." Arya said teasingly as she laid down next to her boyfriend.

"Tyrion I'm gonna cum!" Shae announced as she orgasmed. 

"Gods... Shae." Tyrion groaned as he made his final thrusts. 

They laid next to each other and Shae got her iPhone from the nightstand next to the bed.

Tyrion sighed in pure satisfaction at what they had just done before gazing over at Shae.

"What're you doing?" He asked.

"I'm on the Gram. What does it look like, Tyrion?"

"Right after sex? Don't you want to... you know, talk?"

"No, because there's nothing to talk about. I'm tired Tyrion. Goodnight." Shae replied as she finished scrolling through Instagram and put her phone back on the nightstand before she turned over and went to sleep.

Tyrion rolled his eyes and sighed out of frustration before he fell asleep as well.

"Are you excited for Daenerys and Drogo's wedding?" Grey Worm asked Missandei as he laid in bed with her.

"Of course I am! He seems like a good man for her. It doesn't shock me in the slightest that she went for a rugged guy like him." Missandei said as she leaned against her boyfriend.

"Me neither. He's really tall though."

"I'm sure Dany makes the best of their height situation." 

"Let's hope so... I'd hate to see her standing on a box trying to kiss him."

Missandei giggled and shook her head.

"Well, at least I don't have to stand on a box to kiss you."

"Yeah... you wouldn't look good standing on a box anyways." Grey Worm said with a smirk.

"Oh shut up." Missandei teased.

Margaery sat on the bed in her silk dark blue nightie and watched TV in their bedroom as Joffrey took a bath in their connected bathroom

Her favorite show was on.

"Good evening everyone! And thank you for tuning in to Poison! Here's your host, Olenna Tyrell!" The announcer said.

Margaery grinned as she saw her grandmother on the television screen.

Her grandmother was a television host and owned the TV show itself. 

"Hello everyone! Today, my first guest is someone very special and he leads a very interesting life. He's the lead singer and guitarist for the famous award winning band Red Wedding, come on out Robb Stark!"

Margaery almost squealed. She loved listening to the band Red Wedding, and Robb Stark was her favorite member.

"Hi!"

"Hi Robb! It's great to see you."

"Hi Olenna! It's great to be here. You look absolutely amazing, love."

"Oh stop it!" Olenna chuckled as they sat down on the show's famous blue couch.

"So, first thing I wanted to say before we start... my granddaughter... who I hope is watching right now... is a huge fan of you and your band."

"Really? Margaery Tyrell the actress is a fan of mine? That's bloody amazing! Wow!"

"Yes, and I think it's worth asking... have you ever thought about getting into acting?" Olenna asked with her signature poker face and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

The crowd laughed loudly at the obvious but slight jab.

"Honestly, I've actually been thinking about it. There's plenty of rockstars turned actors... oh but don't worry I won't be giving the band up, acting could just be my side hustle."

"Ooh! So do you have an acting gig already?"

"Hmmm... I think it's best for us to wait and see." Robb said as he gave the camera a smouldering gaze.

"Would you be willing to work with Margaery if you do break into the acting world?"

"Definitely! I actually saw a few of her movies and they were absolutely awesome! I'd love to work with her if I get into acting." Robb said as he looked at Olenna with a smile.

"I'll give you her number after the show. Well, after we come back from our commercial break I'll continue talking to Robb Stark, lead guitarist and lead singer of his band Red Wedding. And later he'll be playing a few songs from Red Wedding's new album called King in the North. Stay tuned, we'll be right back!"

Then, a commercial advertising ointment to fight greyscale came on the TV.

Margaery sat on the bed with a smile, her grandmother was going to give Robb Stark her number she couldn't believe it!

"Why the hell are you smiling at a greyscale ointment commercial?" Joffrey asked as he entered the bedroom while he dried his hair with a red towel. A gold towel was tied around his waist.

"Oh... no reason."

"If you're smiling at that awful commercial then you're more screwed up than I thought you were." Joffrey said as he went to the drawer and picked out some boxers for him to wear to bed.

"I wasn't smiling at the commercial, dear. I was watching grandmum's show."

"Why do you watch that witch's show?"

Margaery stayed silent for a second. Her grandmother was very important to her, she helped her follow her dreams to become an actress. Though her grandmother was a tough old woman, she was very loveable and kind. Olenna Tyrell got along with a lot of people... except for the Lannisters and that included Joffrey. Olenna hated Joffrey, and Joffrey hated her. Margaery's grandmother wished her granddaughter hadn't married into that family and the woman tried everything in her power to fix Margaery up with other suitable men of other wealthy or successful families in Westeros, even though Margaery was already married to Joffrey.

"She's my grandmum. Why wouldn't I watch her show?" Margaery asked, slightly offended by what Joffrey had said.

"I just don't get why you watch that garbage. There's better stuff on TV at this late hour than that show. Here, let's watch the archery championship games." Joffrey said as he snatched the remote control and turned the channel.

"Joffrey! I-"

"I know... you were watching that, but I don't care. If you don't want to watch archery with me then you can just go to sleep. I'd rather watch this than your witchy grandmum's garbage show... you have shit taste in TV shows, you know that?" Joffrey said as he snickered at her.

Margaery rolled her eyes and turned over in bed, laying down.

"Goodnight Joffrey." She said quietly.

"Goodnight." He replied as he climbed into bed and stayed up watching TV, not bothering to turn his archery game down so his wife could sleep.

Heavy breathing filled Jaime Lannister's dining room.

"You know... you could've fucked me into oblivion in your bed instead of on your dining table." 

"Wouldn't have been as much fun... you know I like to keep it fresh." 

"Of course... and speaking of fresh, did you get my grilled lobster salad from-"

"Our restaurant? Yes, I knew when you called me before I left that I had to get it for you." Jaime said as he walked to the kitchen completely naked and pulled the to go box of grilled lobster salad out of the refrigerator and sat it on the table with a fork.

"Thanks." Cersei said with a smile.

"My lady." Jaime said as he pulled her chair out for her. 

His sister was just as naked as he was and gazed at him.

"Are you alright with me sitting on your furniture like this?"

"Oh of course! I don't care. I mean why not? We just had sex on this table, go ahead and sit in the chair, it's fine."

Cersei chuckled before she sat down and started eating.

"How's Joffrey doing?" Cersei asked after taking her first bite.

"He's doing well." Jaime replied after he returned to the dining room with a bottle of red wine and two empty glasses.

"Good. Is that girl treating him well?" Cersei asked as she raised her brow.

"If anything, he's the one treating her a certain way... she's as well behaved as a doormat." Jaime said as he poured the wine into their glasses and sat down next to her.

"As she should be. My Joffrey doesn't need a strong woman as his wife, I'm the only woman in his life that should be strong. No other woman in his life can compare to me because I'm his mother."

"Not even his sister?"

"Myrcella and Joffrey don't even talk much anymore. She's far too busy with her dressmaking shop anyways. She's a strong young lady... but she's not me." Cersei said as she took a sip of wine.

"No... Myrcella's not you... but she's half of you." Jaime said as he narrowed his eyes at Cersei.

"Don't forget... Myrcella is half of you too." Cersei replied as she gazed intensely at her brother as she put her glass of wine down.

Jaime winced. "Don't remind me..."

"I remember when you found out... when I told you... gosh, you looked so pale. You looked as if you wanted to die. Just like when I told you that Joffrey was actually yours. You looked like you wanted to vomit... hm, how interesting... you look like you want to do just that right now..." Cersei said as her gaze remained on him.

Jaime took a big nervous gulp of his wine before speaking.

"I know you've been busy with the restaurant empire... and I know that Robert has been dead for just a few years now... but why haven't you told them yet? They deserve to know." 

"They'll know when I feel it's right to tell them... but for now I'll just keep them thinking their father was that fat awful piece of shit. You'd better not tell them Jaime, or I'll cut off one of your precious body parts." Cersei said with narrowed eyes.

Her words hung in the air like a heavy smog but were sharp enough to cut through her brother like a knife. Jaime nervously drank his wine. He was speechless at how ruthless and threatening his sister was... how could she keep something like this from their children and threaten him at the same time? 

"More wine?" Cersei held up the bottle after she noticed how much her brother had just drank from his now half empty glass...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that chapter, the story only gets crazier from here. Anyways, don't forget to bookmark this fic, subscribe, leave kudos and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more chapters coming soon!


	4. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note

Hi there everybody! Just so you know, this story is NOT OVER, I've just been busy and caught up with a lot of things but this story will be coming back sometime early next year. I have been working on the latest chapter for quite sometime now... and it has slowly been coming together, you know how writer's block can be. So this is just an update chapter and not an actual chapter, so once the actual chapter comes out I might delete this author's note. I'm so excited to come back and write more of this story and I apologize for leaving it on the third chapter for so long, but it won't be that way for much longer because I have something in store. Anyways comment down below for suggestions on what you'd like to see in the story itself! Thank you so much and I hope you all have a very safe and happy holiday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have a happy holiday and a happy new year!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of A Song of Idiots and Friends. More chapters are coming soon and if you liked this fic be sure to comment your favorite part of chapter one, leave kudos, bookmark this fic, and subscribe to stay up to date on when this fic is updated. Thank you so much for reading, and stay tuned for more!


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